How to Look Totally Ridiculous in Business Attire

I went to an interview for a casual F&B Attendant position the other day and was told to come in black business pants / slacks and black leather shoes. When the interviewer was checking my outfit, she said "Oh! Thank you! You're wearing black socks! Bless you!" 

Huh? 

I looked at the other applicants and discovered a lot wearing white and coloured socks with their black slacks and shoes, amongst many other things. I realised then and there, some people like to look ridiculous in business attire. So here I am, giving some pointers on how to successfully look totally ridiculous!

1. Non-Black Socks with Black Shoes and Slacks

Yes, because it's awesome to look like Jackie Chan in his old movies, right? Like, totally going for the Kung Fu look there. You know, because the white/other-colour socks puts a discontinuity of colours, making the pants look shorter than it should be. Forget the fact it was old-school-countryside China and this is formal business wear. Go Jackie Chan!

2. Short Socks with Black Shoes and Slacks

Back in university, it is common protocol to wear business attire whenever we have to present. I remember my marketing professor telling one guy "I bet your mom didn't see you before coming to school. No mother in their right mind would let you out of the house looking like that!" as his socks ended just at his ankles. So yes! We don't want to look like our moms approve of our outfit! That's, like, totally lame.

3. Put Shirt Collar ABOVE Suit Lapel

YES! Because John Travolta did it in Saturday Night Fever, we MUST do it too! Never mind that suits today has a collar 20 times smaller than he did then and the fact that it is a different era: plus points to looking absolutely ridiculous!

4. Do Not Take Off Suit Jacket When Sitting Down

Why bother? Such a waste of time when one has to put it back on right after standing. Ugh! So, keep it on and enjoy looking totally awkward with stiff movements and having your suit jacket folding below your hips. 

5. Do Not Button Suit Jacket

There is a soft rule called "Sometimes, Always, Never" referring to suit bottons. From top to down, sometimes close the top, always the middle, never botton the last. On the other hand, a lot of formal rules would stick to buttoning up all of them to look more formal. 
So confusing, right? So don't bother! Yay to looking totally clueless!

5. Wear Shoes That Will Make You Look Constipated

Choose your most painful, high-heeled, tight-toed shoes for that perfect sweaty forehead, grumpy face and can-barely-walk waddle. Mmmhmm, that's the way to finish the look and convince possible employers or colleagues you revel in looking totally ridiculous. 


Note: If  one cannot detect the sarcasm and humor in my tone, I hereby then put in writing that the intention of this post is to state what to avoid and not to do.